To Respond or react!

I land up yelling at the child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama!
Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty!

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Recently I read post on Facebook,  that was talking about how we as parents sometimes react  instead of responding! I found that so true especially when I get upset. I think a lot of us fall pray to reacting to someone in our lives. 

As a parent of two children, I sometimes get a little more aggravated in situations, where they push my buttons when I least expect them too! For instance, when one of them spills something on the floor that has just been swept and mopped.. on a day when I am just so tired…. it gets to me… and I land up yelling at the  child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama! 

Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty! 

But life is such that we cannot undo what we have done but we can change our behaviour going forward. We are parents but we are first human beings.. we make mistakes. I now, have begun to respond more rather than reacting… Although sometimes.. I forget and then I get a nagging feeling that gets me when I do.. so I make sure that I apologise for my behaviour.  

The important thing is that we check our behaviour and control our need to react, for this we must first recognise our fault… so take a moment to see where our reactions get the better of us.. it could be triggered by something or someone else. Take a moment to figure that out and correct your behaviour.. we may not know how much damage our reaction may be causing to the other person be it to your partner, friend, spouse, parent, child, employee… you get my drift. 

The whims and fancies of childhood

How ever we must remember that it is passing phase, be It the terrible twos and threes or the teenage years. With all the daily pressures that we take on, be it at home and/ or at office it can be draining to have a child throw a fit!
Keep calm, however angry you may be or embarrassed that you may feel, reacting in harsh tones or giving into the thrown tantrum isn’t the best solution in the long lo g run

Most children are often very well behaved when they are with company…there are some children  who throw a fit leaving their parents embarrassed and angry… The dreadful ‘Tantrum’; it is definitely  not easy dealing with the tantrums of children.
How ever we must remember that it is  passing phase, be It the terrible twos and threes or the teenage years. With all the daily pressures that we take on, be it at home and/ or at office it can be draining to have a child throw  a fit!
Keep calm, however angry you may be or embarrassed that you may feel, reacting in harsh tones or giving into the thrown tantrum isn’t the best solution in the long lo g run. Let the child play it out he or she has to stop at some point, when children realise that their tantrums don’t effect you, they will ultimately stop doing it. The key here is to find and show them ways of channelling those emotions that they are going through.
I know that it is not easy and this method takes time and energy but if you really think about it, it makes sense.. we are teaching our children  healthy ways to express their feelings and not shutting them up or giving  into their tantrums just to shut them up. Truth be told I sometimes just give in, but the key is consistency and I try not to let my headaches get the  ahead of me!

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What a parent must not neglect is a child’s tantrum to get your attention,  this usually happens with the working parent or parents. My word to them would be chalk out a routine that your  child can look forward to doing with you;  be it bath time, a special game or story time and don’t forget the surprise ice cream now and then.
🙂

From One Mother to Another: The hushed unborn.

Our Indian culture hushes this type of loss we… don’t talk about it… but why? I remember feeling so much better when an aunt told me that she went through a miscarriage and comforted me… I remember being a shoulder to lean on for a friend who went through the same thing… One thing is for sure no woman can ever understand that loss unless they have been through it themselves…

When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries (PCO) and was told that if I ever wanted a child that I would have to undergo a course of medication and then… ‘May be’ I would conceive! I felt wrecked …. I love children… and a few years later I married and to my surprise fell pregnant a few months later! I heard that heartbeat and saw that pea sized life on a computer screen…My husband and I were so happy, I remember…I also remember the immense pain of losing that little life a few months from there…

For the unfortunate few who have to deal with the loss of an unborn child, it is painful for both. Yes, I said both… not a year has passed where my husband and I don’t bring up that loss. As a woman it can be extremely painful… I remember being shattered… and I remember being cared for so tenderly by my husband… he put his pain aside to comfort me… and I think for a moment I forgot that he lost someone too… it was not until later that we spoke about how he felt…

Our Indian culture hushes this type of loss we… don’t talk about it… but why? I remember feeling so much better when an aunt told me that she went through a miscarriage and comforted me… I remember being a shoulder to lean on for a friend who went through the same thing… One thing is for sure no woman can ever understand that loss unless they have been through it themselves…

Only time can heal all wounds, you may be fine after a few days or it may take you much longer… however, the want to be a mother kicks in more than ever after what you have gone through… don’t fight it… embrace it.. pray and believe… I prayed even harder and I believed that miracles can happen… and mine did, but that’s a story for another blog. So stay strong and believe…together!