Respecting the emotions of our children

Have you ever had a day where you just wanted to laze in bed when you know that you needed to bet to office…. sometimes, we give in snooze the alarm for a bit more than usual… we land up going in late…  do you get a little laid back on a Friday??? We all have those days!! Today… my little one had one of those days… I felt an ache as I saw that look in her eyes as she was being yelled at to hurry up.
We all love to have an open relationship with our children, we would like them to come to us with anything and everything.. we want them to see us as friends as they grow. I believe, respecting their feelings is something that will help nurture that special relationship. We grown ups use the parent card… or the ‘because I said so’ when we want our little ones to fit into our schedule.

We should encourage our children to share there feelings with us; more importantly we should teach ourselves to listen and pick up on their feelings and respect them. Remember that these little people may not understand their emotions and feelings, so let them emote and let us help them understand what they are experiencing by listening to them and take the opportunity to explain that you too have feelings and its a give and take. You  might be surprised at how understanding your child will be!

There is a saying that goes ‘Respect those who deserve it not those who demand it’ our children sure do deserve it! It’s tricky parenting… but it is worth giving it a short. You will discover a side to them that you may not have known…they may too. I think its a step towards raising confident children.

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To Respond or react!

I land up yelling at the child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama!
Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty!

Recently I read post on Facebook,  that was talking about how we as parents sometimes react  instead of responding! I found that so true especially when I get upset. I think a lot of us fall pray to reacting to someone in our lives. 

As a parent of two children, I sometimes get a little more aggravated in situations, where they push my buttons when I least expect them too! For instance, when one of them spills something on the floor that has just been swept and mopped.. on a day when I am just so tired…. it gets to me… and I land up yelling at the  child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama! 

Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty! 

But life is such that we cannot undo what we have done but we can change our behaviour going forward. We are parents but we are first human beings.. we make mistakes. I now, have begun to respond more rather than reacting… Although sometimes.. I forget and then I get a nagging feeling that gets me when I do.. so I make sure that I apologise for my behaviour.  

The important thing is that we check our behaviour and control our need to react, for this we must first recognise our fault… so take a moment to see where our reactions get the better of us.. it could be triggered by something or someone else. Take a moment to figure that out and correct your behaviour.. we may not know how much damage our reaction may be causing to the other person be it to your partner, friend, spouse, parent, child, employee… you get my drift. 

When your baby is not your baby anymore!

I found my self smiling on way out and then it hits me by baby girl is growing up! And suddenly, I found my self wanting to hold her, wishing I could carry her around and just not letting her go…I realised that she is more responsible.. more everything!
I think watching a child grow into an independent little being makes us want to turn back time or stop it for a while. I suppose, it is difficult to let go of them needing you.

We all love to watch our children grow! Do you remember your baby’s first smile, that first peeping tooth… remember when she first left the edge of the sofa to take a step towards you?? Aren’t they are such beautiful memories?! As parents, we are rooting for them to grow; applauding and celebrating their achievements along the way. 
My oldest, she is all of 6, of late I have been taken aback by her responses and actions. For instance, the other afternoon, I was just about done with drying my hands after doing the dishes when she walked in with a plate that she had just eaten from and starts to wash it. I told her that I will do it and she politely says “mama, don’t worry, I will wash it up, you have just dried your hands.” 

I was touched! I found my self smiling on way out and then it hits me by baby girl is growing up! And suddenly, I found my self wanting to hold her, wishing I could carry her around and just not letting her go…I realised that she is more responsible.. more everything! 

I think watching a child grow into an independent little being makes us want to turn back time or stop it for a while. I suppose, it is difficult to let go of them needing you. What really bothers me is that I know that our little ones are constantly growing and its not just a phase… their changes, physical, mental and emotional are always going to get us!

I love my girl! I know its not always going to be chocolates and rainbows. But one thing that I surely let her know every day is that she is perfect in every way even if she has driven me up the wall, I wouldn’t have it any other way, cause I know that its another memory for me to sink into on a rainy day.

So! All you mothers and fathers reading this, go and hug your children, hold them close, hold those tiny hands and bite their toes! Tickle their bellies and listen to them laugh, memorise their faces and make that a memory to last!

The whims and fancies of childhood

How ever we must remember that it is passing phase, be It the terrible twos and threes or the teenage years. With all the daily pressures that we take on, be it at home and/ or at office it can be draining to have a child throw a fit!
Keep calm, however angry you may be or embarrassed that you may feel, reacting in harsh tones or giving into the thrown tantrum isn’t the best solution in the long lo g run

Most children are often very well behaved when they are with company…there are some children  who throw a fit leaving their parents embarrassed and angry… The dreadful ‘Tantrum’; it is definitely  not easy dealing with the tantrums of children.
How ever we must remember that it is  passing phase, be It the terrible twos and threes or the teenage years. With all the daily pressures that we take on, be it at home and/ or at office it can be draining to have a child throw  a fit!
Keep calm, however angry you may be or embarrassed that you may feel, reacting in harsh tones or giving into the thrown tantrum isn’t the best solution in the long lo g run. Let the child play it out he or she has to stop at some point, when children realise that their tantrums don’t effect you, they will ultimately stop doing it. The key here is to find and show them ways of channelling those emotions that they are going through.
I know that it is not easy and this method takes time and energy but if you really think about it, it makes sense.. we are teaching our children  healthy ways to express their feelings and not shutting them up or giving  into their tantrums just to shut them up. Truth be told I sometimes just give in, but the key is consistency and I try not to let my headaches get the  ahead of me!

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What a parent must not neglect is a child’s tantrum to get your attention,  this usually happens with the working parent or parents. My word to them would be chalk out a routine that your  child can look forward to doing with you;  be it bath time, a special game or story time and don’t forget the surprise ice cream now and then.
🙂

From one mother to another mother: the open secret

You can talk to other moms.. hear their opinions but you are entitled to doing what works for you and your child! You have had a connection with your child even before you knew that he or she existed in you… so go with what you feel… it will come to you naturally if you let it..

Have you ever wondered – how easy raising children looks with some mothers… they seem to have it all under control…  They seem to do nothing wrong.. They have answers to all your questions…I think every mom has this one peer mother that they admire… I sure have!

However the truth is that all mothers are fighting the same battles as you! Being one of the first to have a baby amongst my peers…I get asked.. ‘how I do it?’.. I would tell them, it comes naturally… and it does… Also there is no fixed way to doing things as a mom.. Every child is different!

We all have moments of weakness; we all have breakdowns, self-doubt…. But I think that the God given strength of a woman and the innate want to be a mom… the motherly instinct, overpowers all the negative thoughts and feelings… The more you focus on the added joy that your little one brings into your life, you start to think and feel positively! It is easier said than done…and yes  it comes with practice- it comes with taking control of yourself and consciously making a change!

I have learned that being a mom never gets easier as the child/ children grow. Yes.. you are done with sleepless nights and uncontrollable crying.. but each stage of growth comes with a new set of goodies and troubles.. the key is to take in your stride… go with your gut!! You can talk to other moms.. hear their opinions but you are entitled to doing what works for you and your child! You have had a connection with your child even before you knew that he or she existed in you… so go with what you feel… it will come to you naturally if you let it..

You are a good mom! Believe in yourself! You will always do what is right for your child and for you! You will have other women saying that what you are doing is wrong and you should and should not be doing this and that… Ignore them!! And believe me most of them do it behind your back…. Do not let all of it bother you… they do not know you as well as they think… they do not know your child as well as they think!  You are the mom!!

You are beautiful! You are fun! Your love is unconditional… So here is to you for being the Best mom to your child!