To Respond or react!

I land up yelling at the child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama!
Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty!

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Recently I read post on Facebook,  that was talking about how we as parents sometimes react  instead of responding! I found that so true especially when I get upset. I think a lot of us fall pray to reacting to someone in our lives. 

As a parent of two children, I sometimes get a little more aggravated in situations, where they push my buttons when I least expect them too! For instance, when one of them spills something on the floor that has just been swept and mopped.. on a day when I am just so tired…. it gets to me… and I land up yelling at the  child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama! 

Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty! 

But life is such that we cannot undo what we have done but we can change our behaviour going forward. We are parents but we are first human beings.. we make mistakes. I now, have begun to respond more rather than reacting… Although sometimes.. I forget and then I get a nagging feeling that gets me when I do.. so I make sure that I apologise for my behaviour.  

The important thing is that we check our behaviour and control our need to react, for this we must first recognise our fault… so take a moment to see where our reactions get the better of us.. it could be triggered by something or someone else. Take a moment to figure that out and correct your behaviour.. we may not know how much damage our reaction may be causing to the other person be it to your partner, friend, spouse, parent, child, employee… you get my drift. 

​From one mother to another: Getting by the sick days..

I think that watching a child battle sickness is by far one of the hardest thing parents have to do. The feeling of helplessness can be worrying and frustrating.
Knowing that your child has to live with sickness for an indefinite period or, for the rest of their life, is extremely stressful. It takes some time to accept!

When ever your child has fallen ill, have you noticed that uncomfortable silence that fills an otherwise noisy home?!! I have!! It makes me so uncomfortable! It keeps me spinning around the house keeping myself busy. I think that watching a child battle sickness is by far one of the hardest thing parents have to do. The feeling of helplessness can be worrying and frustrating.

Knowing that your child has to live with sickness for an indefinite period or, for the rest of their life, is extremely stressful. It takes some time to accept! Until that acceptance happens, it is common for parents to wonder why your child has to go through something like this.. I have read, researched and even wondered if I did anything wrong! All natural responses! 

What we need to keep in mind while we are sorting ourselves out, is to see that we don’t make our little one uncomfortable with our display of emotions and actions.. what I mean is – do not suddenly become over protective and smother the child from being him or her self. Instead we should teach them to cope with the illness, educate them along the way. Take a minute to take a deep breath when you know that you need it. 
We need to talk to our partners and discuss with each other on what goes, so that both are on the same page at all times. Lastly.. everyone has advice to give.. hear them out.. take what you need from it… do what ‘you’ have to do for your child… he is your son, she is your daughter.. listen to your gut.. let your motherly instinct guide you.

Stay strong, stay healthy, our children need us to be!

 Believe that this too shall pass! 

When your baby is not your baby anymore!

I found my self smiling on way out and then it hits me by baby girl is growing up! And suddenly, I found my self wanting to hold her, wishing I could carry her around and just not letting her go…I realised that she is more responsible.. more everything!
I think watching a child grow into an independent little being makes us want to turn back time or stop it for a while. I suppose, it is difficult to let go of them needing you.

We all love to watch our children grow! Do you remember your baby’s first smile, that first peeping tooth… remember when she first left the edge of the sofa to take a step towards you?? Aren’t they are such beautiful memories?! As parents, we are rooting for them to grow; applauding and celebrating their achievements along the way. 
My oldest, she is all of 6, of late I have been taken aback by her responses and actions. For instance, the other afternoon, I was just about done with drying my hands after doing the dishes when she walked in with a plate that she had just eaten from and starts to wash it. I told her that I will do it and she politely says “mama, don’t worry, I will wash it up, you have just dried your hands.” 

I was touched! I found my self smiling on way out and then it hits me by baby girl is growing up! And suddenly, I found my self wanting to hold her, wishing I could carry her around and just not letting her go…I realised that she is more responsible.. more everything! 

I think watching a child grow into an independent little being makes us want to turn back time or stop it for a while. I suppose, it is difficult to let go of them needing you. What really bothers me is that I know that our little ones are constantly growing and its not just a phase… their changes, physical, mental and emotional are always going to get us!

I love my girl! I know its not always going to be chocolates and rainbows. But one thing that I surely let her know every day is that she is perfect in every way even if she has driven me up the wall, I wouldn’t have it any other way, cause I know that its another memory for me to sink into on a rainy day.

So! All you mothers and fathers reading this, go and hug your children, hold them close, hold those tiny hands and bite their toes! Tickle their bellies and listen to them laugh, memorise their faces and make that a memory to last!

The whims and fancies of childhood

How ever we must remember that it is passing phase, be It the terrible twos and threes or the teenage years. With all the daily pressures that we take on, be it at home and/ or at office it can be draining to have a child throw a fit!
Keep calm, however angry you may be or embarrassed that you may feel, reacting in harsh tones or giving into the thrown tantrum isn’t the best solution in the long lo g run

Most children are often very well behaved when they are with company…there are some children  who throw a fit leaving their parents embarrassed and angry… The dreadful ‘Tantrum’; it is definitely  not easy dealing with the tantrums of children.
How ever we must remember that it is  passing phase, be It the terrible twos and threes or the teenage years. With all the daily pressures that we take on, be it at home and/ or at office it can be draining to have a child throw  a fit!
Keep calm, however angry you may be or embarrassed that you may feel, reacting in harsh tones or giving into the thrown tantrum isn’t the best solution in the long lo g run. Let the child play it out he or she has to stop at some point, when children realise that their tantrums don’t effect you, they will ultimately stop doing it. The key here is to find and show them ways of channelling those emotions that they are going through.
I know that it is not easy and this method takes time and energy but if you really think about it, it makes sense.. we are teaching our children  healthy ways to express their feelings and not shutting them up or giving  into their tantrums just to shut them up. Truth be told I sometimes just give in, but the key is consistency and I try not to let my headaches get the  ahead of me!

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What a parent must not neglect is a child’s tantrum to get your attention,  this usually happens with the working parent or parents. My word to them would be chalk out a routine that your  child can look forward to doing with you;  be it bath time, a special game or story time and don’t forget the surprise ice cream now and then.
🙂

Sibling love

Its lovely to watch the older sibling look after the younger one, I Iove how protective the older ones get and how the younger ones looks to the older one for all kinds of support. Be it any age gap, the bond between siblings is comforting to watch as they grow.

Its lovely to watch the older sibling look after the younger one, I Iove how protective the older ones get and how the younger ones looks to the older one for all kinds of support.  Be it any age gap, the bond between siblings is comforting to watch as they grow.
My childhood was a lot of fun with a younger brother, we laughed and played a d always had each others back and yea the teenage years were not always pleasant but today as adults we are the best of friends.
It is so important to help nuture the bond between siblings. As parents we have to encourage our children  to love each other unconditionally and teach them that they need to support each other’s strengths and weaknesses from a young age. The importance of celebrating a victory and sharing the sadness in losses can start at a tender age and its wonderful to watch them comfort each other or high five each other.
Of  course they will fight and argue! But that is healthy.. it is normal! That also strengthens that bond on some level.. we should not compare our children that could promote feelings of inadequacy in  them as a child and cause envy towards the other sibling.
Always remember that children know our tones even better than we do. They can read our faces without us having to say anything, so be positive and encouraging at all times and they will grow up reflecting the same mentality. Everything starts at home and eliminates outside.
Here’s to Sibling bonds!!

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Sibling love

1+1=1

When only one person is proactively doing something for the relationship… it could be an emotional or mental disconnect, or even physical.. Sometimes when one is doing every chore- his and hers… or making every decision…or ignoring the others time and space, the other starts to become self sufficient!
Why does this happen? I think it happens in the very beginning in small things, that go unnoticed, blinded by love! It is only when things start to get uncomfortable or when you are stretched either physically, emotionally and/or mentally does it hit you really hard; that you keep grappling at small issues trying to fix what ever it is you can!

In marriages/ relationships we say that we are now one….united…so my title 1+1=1 makes sense now.. However, I want to talk about, relationships that go lob sided; by which I mean – one person is burdened in a relationship due to the lack of participation from the other… so that is the 1+1 =1 that I am talking about!
When only one person is proactively doing something for the relationship… it could be an emotional or mental disconnect, or even physical.. Sometimes when one is doing every chore- his and hers… or making every decision…or ignoring the others time and space, the other starts to become self sufficient!
Why does this happen? I think it happens in the very beginning in small things, that go unnoticed, blinded by love! It is only when things start to get uncomfortable or when you are stretched either physically, emotionally and/or mentally does it hit you really hard; that you keep grappling at small issues trying to fix what ever it is you can! So for the other person in the relationship, nothing may feel wrong and he or she may think that you are just so amazing the way you handle everything.
The truth is that he or she has taken you for granted… yes… and you have been letting it happen….either knowingly or unknowingly! Both of which has to stop! Sit down and talk, do not blame, do not point fingers…. talk about your needs and wants and come to a compromise if need be…don’t forget to leave your ego outside.
Somewhere in our busy lives we let ourselves be taken for granted or take our partner for granted. No body likes to hear it but it is a fact, the moment that we realise it, we need to set it right – before either one takes the relationship for granted; now that is harder to fix! So make peace with your self and with each other and there will be peace amongst you both.

The Connection to Creation

Communication! Both physical and verbal in a family is necessary for each of our emotional well-being. How often do you give your children, parents, siblings or spouses a hug? How often do you tell them that you love them? It should be every day; not just on an occasion!

“I love you mama” – my heart melts whenever she says those words! My husband comes in after a long day at work and gives me a tight hug, my baby boy gives me a big smile when I cuddle and kiss him… Communication! Both physical and verbal in a family is necessary for each of our emotional well-being. How often do you give your children, parents, siblings or spouses a hug? How often do you tell them that you love them? It should be every day; not just on an occasion!

Children need to feel your love, they react to hugs and kisses; as they grow they start to communicate with words and mimic the actions of parents, so if the parents speak words of love to them and show them love then they will grow up being just that way. When young and in love… couples tell each other that they love one another every day… it starts there..

We are just so busy with our routines and responsibilities and are actually more connected to each with our mobile phones and whatsapp that we may hardly say loving words to each other. Hugs and kisses are ‘xo’ and kisses are sent in smileys… where is the human connection??

Kiss your children when they leave for school, hug them… and the same goes to your spouses and parents! Tell them that you love them! Do the same when you walk through the door after work; even before you go to bed! It will make a difference in your lives! There is so much that is said with a hug and a kiss! It is good for your body, mind and soul!

Sometimes, it is good to disconnect to connect or reconnect!