Until one day

Until one day,

He woke up never to feel any pain

The sun seemed to shine a little brighter

The air smelled fresh.

Until one day,

He no longer missed her smile

Did not long for her touch

Did not hear her voice in her head.

Until one day,

He decided to walk away

From the clutches of toxic waste and

Bow out with his dignity in tact.

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Between You and I

Its been so long

I cant remember you

I look in to the mirror

I look into your eyes

I can barely remember you.

So much has changed

I am not the women that you remember

I am a wife and a mother

And now after so long I find myself searching for you

Only to find you standing behind me all along.

I shut you out and you understood.

You know that I will always be someone’s someone

And that I have always loved you

I have overlooked you

But now I see

Without you there is no me and

Somewhere between You and I is Me.

Sharing is caring!

There is a tag on my dress which reads ‘can be washed by men and women’ … it cracked me up! It was followed with ‘share the load.’ Well, I know that some of you are rolling your eyes already.

Do you wish that you could get more of a helping hand from your partner or spouse?…. well…do you think giving the kids a bath once in a month or cooking an occasional meal is sharing the load?

How often do you or your significant other help with the morning routine or let the get some extra sleep? Do you do the laundry together…or at least help?? Does he or she know how to work the washing machine?!

Well..the general defence to not helping in the home is that working has left us exhausted…or just tired…well there are chores at home that need to be done too… chores dont end when you work into your home….there are the dishes, the cooking, the cleaning…you get my drift…it would be so much easier to work together…or divide and conquer…but share the load!

If your partner/ spouse can juggle a job and play house, I think that you can share some part of the load. Don’t think that your part time working/ home maker partner or spouse has it easy; oh and dont think that stay at home mom’s have it easy either..! As a matter of fact it can be more stressful to constantly be doing something at home than going out to work. We all have multiple roles and responsibilities and we can all use a helping hand!

Where do you start?? If you are a sloppy person, start by picking up after your self, if you think the other has it all covered spend a day doing what the other does for the home and decide where you can chip in. There is always something you can do!

Share the load!

If you want to do something occasionally go out to dinner, buy a gift, buy tickets for a movie, go dancing! Share the load every day. If you wanted someone to do everything for you…hire a maid! Remember that you are living your life with the person you love.

To Respond or react!

I land up yelling at the child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama!
Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty!

Recently I read post on Facebook,  that was talking about how we as parents sometimes react  instead of responding! I found that so true especially when I get upset. I think a lot of us fall pray to reacting to someone in our lives. 

As a parent of two children, I sometimes get a little more aggravated in situations, where they push my buttons when I least expect them too! For instance, when one of them spills something on the floor that has just been swept and mopped.. on a day when I am just so tired…. it gets to me… and I land up yelling at the  child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama! 

Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty! 

But life is such that we cannot undo what we have done but we can change our behaviour going forward. We are parents but we are first human beings.. we make mistakes. I now, have begun to respond more rather than reacting… Although sometimes.. I forget and then I get a nagging feeling that gets me when I do.. so I make sure that I apologise for my behaviour.  

The important thing is that we check our behaviour and control our need to react, for this we must first recognise our fault… so take a moment to see where our reactions get the better of us.. it could be triggered by something or someone else. Take a moment to figure that out and correct your behaviour.. we may not know how much damage our reaction may be causing to the other person be it to your partner, friend, spouse, parent, child, employee… you get my drift. 

Where is the love?!

So is the seven year itch really true? Does the honey moon period become period after a few years of marriage? Well if your answer was yes.. it is time to make some changes people!!!
Stressed with work, tired after a whole day of picking up after your children, exhausted that all you want to do is… fall asleep in front of the tele?! Like and comment on Facebook?? Or pass out after sipping on your favourite alcohol?? Or are you just too lazy that your mind over rides the body’s needs and goes to sleep?!!

This topic came to mind after a few discussions with friends. So is the seven year itch really true? Does the honey moon period become period after a few years of marriage? Well if your answer was yes.. it is time to make some changes people!!!
Stressed with work, tired after a whole day of picking up after your children, exhausted that all you want to do is… fall asleep in front of the tele?! Like and comment on Facebook?? Or pass out after sipping on your favourite alcohol?? Or are you just too lazy that your mind over rides the body’s needs and goes to sleep?!!
So here is what you have to do, set a dinner time and maintain it. Spend more time with your family and less time in front of the television or tablet or phone…. get of social  networking and focus on some personal networking. Talk about your day with your spouse and use this time to vent all that you are stressed about. And make it happen. When you disconnect from the world you will focus on what is in front of you.

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We may have too much weighing us down, we have to learn to put down your load and just focus on your spouse. Appreciate what he or she does everyday,  wake up everyday and choose to love your spouse; remember why you fell in love… hold on to the dream of growing old together.  Sometimes it can put life into a whole different perspective and  it will definitely change how you feel.
Don’t get lost in the bond that binds your love, instead loose your self in the love that binds you.

1+1=1

When only one person is proactively doing something for the relationship… it could be an emotional or mental disconnect, or even physical.. Sometimes when one is doing every chore- his and hers… or making every decision…or ignoring the others time and space, the other starts to become self sufficient!
Why does this happen? I think it happens in the very beginning in small things, that go unnoticed, blinded by love! It is only when things start to get uncomfortable or when you are stretched either physically, emotionally and/or mentally does it hit you really hard; that you keep grappling at small issues trying to fix what ever it is you can!

In marriages/ relationships we say that we are now one….united…so my title 1+1=1 makes sense now.. However, I want to talk about, relationships that go lob sided; by which I mean – one person is burdened in a relationship due to the lack of participation from the other… so that is the 1+1 =1 that I am talking about!
When only one person is proactively doing something for the relationship… it could be an emotional or mental disconnect, or even physical.. Sometimes when one is doing every chore- his and hers… or making every decision…or ignoring the others time and space, the other starts to become self sufficient!
Why does this happen? I think it happens in the very beginning in small things, that go unnoticed, blinded by love! It is only when things start to get uncomfortable or when you are stretched either physically, emotionally and/or mentally does it hit you really hard; that you keep grappling at small issues trying to fix what ever it is you can! So for the other person in the relationship, nothing may feel wrong and he or she may think that you are just so amazing the way you handle everything.
The truth is that he or she has taken you for granted… yes… and you have been letting it happen….either knowingly or unknowingly! Both of which has to stop! Sit down and talk, do not blame, do not point fingers…. talk about your needs and wants and come to a compromise if need be…don’t forget to leave your ego outside.
Somewhere in our busy lives we let ourselves be taken for granted or take our partner for granted. No body likes to hear it but it is a fact, the moment that we realise it, we need to set it right – before either one takes the relationship for granted; now that is harder to fix! So make peace with your self and with each other and there will be peace amongst you both.

Living after losing to immortality

Does the pain go away? I can’t be sure… I think we lose a piece of our selves, on a happier note I think we carry a piece of them with us! We live our lives with the memories of those who have passed on… we remember their advice, we remember their life with us with sadness as they are missed physically, the emotional connect is severed… but in our souls we rejoice as they are now immortal.. and we can feel them around us… we connect spiritually

Some break down… some bottle up.. some live their life as though nothing has happened… I have often noticed people being judged by the way they mourn! “She has not cried”… “they are carrying on like nothing has happened” … honestly! Do not judge! The loss of a loved one is traumatic and it is a natural event… our mind and emotions are wired to mourn in different ways!
It is a gutting experience to lose a parent, a child, a spouse, a sibling, a friend and a pet! Does the pain go away? I can’t be sure… I think we lose a piece of our selves, on a happier note I think we carry a piece of them with us! We live our lives with the memories of those who have passed on… we remember their advice, we remember their life with us with sadness as they are missed physically, the emotional connect is severed… but in our souls we rejoice as they are now immortal.. and we can feel them around us… we connect spiritually… this is a transformation that we undergo when we experience loss… transformation that will mould your thoughts and being into a somewhat new person!
The pain that you go through can only be understood by someone who has been through the same situation … so lean on those who know your pain. They will guide you and pull you back to reality when you wander away too far while you mourn. Be strong.. be week.. feel… we are wired to experience a rainbow of emotions…it only means we are alive, we are human beings.. we just have to channel our experiences positively to make us better people!