I have not posted in ages. But here goes…
When you have been just going with the flow…. being complacent… it numbs so many parts of you and it also changes you unknowingly. But then, there is a restlessness that starts to build up inside.. you can’t put your finger on what is going on! I battled this restlessness, it has been a fight that I did not understand, I burried my self into my daily home routine. I had no clue from where or what this restlessness was until it broke me. I found myself not sleeping at night… the crazy headaches…. the sadness…. the tears….and I did not know why.
I have a family that I do love very much. So what was it that was making me so miserable? And then the day came, I did not want to wake up, to get out of bed, I wanted to stay under the covers and cry. Nobody knew the struggle I was facing.. what could I tell them? I have been a person carrying a smile around and had it all together.. a strong person.
Finally, I said it. I am broken. Broken inside. I am lost.
I went into myself…. my brain was being stubborn. It resfused to bow down to my heart’s sorrow. I could not find any answers there. Then it came upon me like a storm… It swept over me these feelings, desires, needs, goals. And that’s when I began to listen to my soul. A forgotten part… just ‘Me’. And I realised that I needed to please my soul….i have to nourish it… I have to love it a whole lot more for who she is…embrace all that she wants to be… All her dreams, her desires, everything.
So here I am, fully aware of myself. I am a whole lot of woman. I am exploding with energy from with in. I am taking baby steps. Only I can fuel the road ahead. Changes. It’s chaotic. But complacency, now that is the killer. Let’s live our lives, being true to our selves. Let’s not just go with the flow, do things like it’s always been done… remember that times change and situations change, you cannot expect to function the same way.
So live. Listen to your soul. Your heart is just afraid of being broken, don’t let it stop you. Your mind is influenced by your soul. So those butterflies that you feel in your belly when you want to make a change…. it’s a good thing. You have to believe in yourself, enough to know that it’s ok to fall, it’s ok to be disappointed, because it’s not going to be easy…. Change is going to be hard. So when you are ready to take that step….go ahead….. Make your move…..lean on somebody….if you can…. Be broken… feel low… it’s ok. You will rise… above everything that you have… everything… you will see all that you want to be…And you can start from there.