To my little Angel

This is for my baby girl…

Hello my little angel,

Your the apple of my eye.

You have no idea how you saved me,

The day you came alive.

You are my little miracle,

A reminder everyday,

That no matter how impossible life may seem

There will always be a way.

There are times when

I felt like I was fading,

Buts it’s your voice that guided me through,

There have been days that I couldn’t see the sun

And your eyes gave me strength.

So today my little angel,

Mama says thank you my baby…

Thank you for saving me.

You will always be a blessing

To the people in your life.

You will be an Angel

And you will always touch lives.

So stay true to your self my angel

And be all that you can be.

Mama loves you my sweet baby,

No matter where I may be.

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Come alive

Sinking.

Your head can’t focus,

Your legs are buckling.

You call out for someone to hold you,

And there in those arms

It doesn’t matter if you go,

There is no fear or worry.

You feel its just easy to let every thing go.

A little worried voice calls out to you,

And for a second you focus

On those terrified little eyes.

You feel your strenght return,

The cold sweat begins to disappear,

And you realise that even though you feel like you have fallen apart

You want to survive

That little voice needs you to be alive.

The things he says….

Many women in India and around the world are victims of Verbal Abuse. What saddens me is that many of these women don’t realise that they are in abusive relationships and live with their partners thinking that it won’t impact their mental and emotional health.

According to Indian Law, Section 3 in The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005, verbal and emotional abuse includes—

(a) insults, ridicule, humiliation, name calling and insults or ridicule specially with regard to not having a child or a male child; and
(b) repeated threats to cause physical pain to any person in whom the aggrieved person is interested.

Wiki describes verbal abuse “as a negative defining statement told to the victim or about the victim, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent. If the abuser does not immediately apologize and retract the defining statement, the relationship may be a verbally abusive one. Anger underlies, motivates and perpetuates verbally abusive behavior.

I came across this educating article written by Dr. Steven Stosny, Ph.D. entitled ‘Are you dating an Abuser?’ I have enclosed the link below, I think it captures the Verbal Abuser and Verbal Abuse perfectly.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/are-you-dating-abuser

You are reading this post, maybe because your looking for another excuse not to believe that you are a victim of Verbal Abuse or maybe your looking for reasons to stay… reasons to leave…. What ever it maybe…. Please don’t let him tear you down. Make a change. Remember that what you allow will only continue. Your daughter is watching and listening and she will only grow up thinking that it’s ok to be spoken to that way cause you allowed her to think that it is. Your son will grow up thinking that he can talk to women that way cause you never did anything.

Choices, Choices!!

Life is all about the choices that you make, every choice that you make defines you.

Stop what you are doing.

Look around you.

Where you are at this moment….the thoughts in your head…. what you are currently feeling, even the fact that you are reading this post, are all because of a choice that you have made consciously or unconsciously. We go through each and every day making choices that impact our very being.

So where am I going with this? Read on..

Your life, at this very moment is because of your past choices. You don’t like what you are doing? You don’t want to feel the way you feel? Make a choice to change it. Only you have the power to change what you want in your life. How ever difficult it may seem, how ever complicated it may be, all it takes is for you to make a choice to do or to stop doing something in your life!

The universe throws us so many choices everyday. There is always another road, even if you think that you are at a dead end. Most life changing choices are never easy, but if you want to turn your life around, you must be prepared to walk down an unknown road, be prepared for sweet chaos.

The choice is yours and yours alone.

You have one life, make a choice to be happy and live with no regrets.

Sharing is caring!

There is a tag on my dress which reads ‘can be washed by men and women’ … it cracked me up! It was followed with ‘share the load.’ Well, I know that some of you are rolling your eyes already.

Do you wish that you could get more of a helping hand from your partner or spouse?…. well…do you think giving the kids a bath once in a month or cooking an occasional meal is sharing the load?

How often do you or your significant other help with the morning routine or let the get some extra sleep? Do you do the laundry together…or at least help?? Does he or she know how to work the washing machine?!

Well..the general defence to not helping in the home is that working has left us exhausted…or just tired…well there are chores at home that need to be done too… chores dont end when you work into your home….there are the dishes, the cooking, the cleaning…you get my drift…it would be so much easier to work together…or divide and conquer…but share the load!

If your partner/ spouse can juggle a job and play house, I think that you can share some part of the load. Don’t think that your part time working/ home maker partner or spouse has it easy; oh and dont think that stay at home mom’s have it easy either..! As a matter of fact it can be more stressful to constantly be doing something at home than going out to work. We all have multiple roles and responsibilities and we can all use a helping hand!

Where do you start?? If you are a sloppy person, start by picking up after your self, if you think the other has it all covered spend a day doing what the other does for the home and decide where you can chip in. There is always something you can do!

Share the load!

If you want to do something occasionally go out to dinner, buy a gift, buy tickets for a movie, go dancing! Share the load every day. If you wanted someone to do everything for you…hire a maid! Remember that you are living your life with the person you love.

Respecting the emotions of our children

Have you ever had a day where you just wanted to laze in bed when you know that you needed to bet to office…. sometimes, we give in snooze the alarm for a bit more than usual… we land up going in late…  do you get a little laid back on a Friday??? We all have those days!! Today… my little one had one of those days… I felt an ache as I saw that look in her eyes as she was being yelled at to hurry up.
We all love to have an open relationship with our children, we would like them to come to us with anything and everything.. we want them to see us as friends as they grow. I believe, respecting their feelings is something that will help nurture that special relationship. We grown ups use the parent card… or the ‘because I said so’ when we want our little ones to fit into our schedule.

We should encourage our children to share there feelings with us; more importantly we should teach ourselves to listen and pick up on their feelings and respect them. Remember that these little people may not understand their emotions and feelings, so let them emote and let us help them understand what they are experiencing by listening to them and take the opportunity to explain that you too have feelings and its a give and take. You  might be surprised at how understanding your child will be!

There is a saying that goes ‘Respect those who deserve it not those who demand it’ our children sure do deserve it! It’s tricky parenting… but it is worth giving it a short. You will discover a side to them that you may not have known…they may too. I think its a step towards raising confident children.

To Respond or react!

I land up yelling at the child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama!
Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty!

Recently I read post on Facebook,  that was talking about how we as parents sometimes react  instead of responding! I found that so true especially when I get upset. I think a lot of us fall pray to reacting to someone in our lives. 

As a parent of two children, I sometimes get a little more aggravated in situations, where they push my buttons when I least expect them too! For instance, when one of them spills something on the floor that has just been swept and mopped.. on a day when I am just so tired…. it gets to me… and I land up yelling at the  child, lecturing them about be careless… questioning them about their ability to hold a cup without dropping what’s in it! …..But…. wait a second… I am talking to a child that accidently spilt something! The correct thing to do was to respond… tell them that accidents happen.. and that it can happen to anybody… even to mama! 

Oh!! When I think back to all the times I have reacted instead of responding!!!…. I feel guilty! 

But life is such that we cannot undo what we have done but we can change our behaviour going forward. We are parents but we are first human beings.. we make mistakes. I now, have begun to respond more rather than reacting… Although sometimes.. I forget and then I get a nagging feeling that gets me when I do.. so I make sure that I apologise for my behaviour.  

The important thing is that we check our behaviour and control our need to react, for this we must first recognise our fault… so take a moment to see where our reactions get the better of us.. it could be triggered by something or someone else. Take a moment to figure that out and correct your behaviour.. we may not know how much damage our reaction may be causing to the other person be it to your partner, friend, spouse, parent, child, employee… you get my drift.