From One Mother to Another: The hushed unborn.

Our Indian culture hushes this type of loss we… don’t talk about it… but why? I remember feeling so much better when an aunt told me that she went through a miscarriage and comforted me… I remember being a shoulder to lean on for a friend who went through the same thing… One thing is for sure no woman can ever understand that loss unless they have been through it themselves…

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When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries (PCO) and was told that if I ever wanted a child that I would have to undergo a course of medication and then… ‘May be’ I would conceive! I felt wrecked …. I love children… and a few years later I married and to my surprise fell pregnant a few months later! I heard that heartbeat and saw that pea sized life on a computer screen…My husband and I were so happy, I remember…I also remember the immense pain of losing that little life a few months from there…

For the unfortunate few who have to deal with the loss of an unborn child, it is painful for both. Yes, I said both… not a year has passed where my husband and I don’t bring up that loss. As a woman it can be extremely painful… I remember being shattered… and I remember being cared for so tenderly by my husband… he put his pain aside to comfort me… and I think for a moment I forgot that he lost someone too… it was not until later that we spoke about how he felt…

Our Indian culture hushes this type of loss we… don’t talk about it… but why? I remember feeling so much better when an aunt told me that she went through a miscarriage and comforted me… I remember being a shoulder to lean on for a friend who went through the same thing… One thing is for sure no woman can ever understand that loss unless they have been through it themselves…

Only time can heal all wounds, you may be fine after a few days or it may take you much longer… however, the want to be a mother kicks in more than ever after what you have gone through… don’t fight it… embrace it.. pray and believe… I prayed even harder and I believed that miracles can happen… and mine did, but that’s a story for another blog. So stay strong and believe…together!

The Connection to Creation

Communication! Both physical and verbal in a family is necessary for each of our emotional well-being. How often do you give your children, parents, siblings or spouses a hug? How often do you tell them that you love them? It should be every day; not just on an occasion!

“I love you mama” – my heart melts whenever she says those words! My husband comes in after a long day at work and gives me a tight hug, my baby boy gives me a big smile when I cuddle and kiss him… Communication! Both physical and verbal in a family is necessary for each of our emotional well-being. How often do you give your children, parents, siblings or spouses a hug? How often do you tell them that you love them? It should be every day; not just on an occasion!

Children need to feel your love, they react to hugs and kisses; as they grow they start to communicate with words and mimic the actions of parents, so if the parents speak words of love to them and show them love then they will grow up being just that way. When young and in love… couples tell each other that they love one another every day… it starts there..

We are just so busy with our routines and responsibilities and are actually more connected to each with our mobile phones and whatsapp that we may hardly say loving words to each other. Hugs and kisses are ‘xo’ and kisses are sent in smileys… where is the human connection??

Kiss your children when they leave for school, hug them… and the same goes to your spouses and parents! Tell them that you love them! Do the same when you walk through the door after work; even before you go to bed! It will make a difference in your lives! There is so much that is said with a hug and a kiss! It is good for your body, mind and soul!

Sometimes, it is good to disconnect to connect or reconnect!

Broken Bridges

Have you ever experienced someone from your family double cross you.. or let you down.. Hurt you? It is hurtful! Will you ever be able to feel the same about that person? I would like to believe that it happens in the course of life…

Having a good relationship with your extended family and in laws is important. It is important to have these relationships… Have you ever experienced someone from your family double cross you.. or let you down.. Hurt you? It is hurtful! Will you ever be able to feel the same about that person? I would like to believe that it happens in the course of life…

So two things can happen… One… If there is a confrontation… then you can either just stay away from that person or move pass the awkward phase together… and then you may choose to end that relationship or tread very carefully around that person! 2… For those who like to bottle up their feelings… Sometimes it is difficult to even think of a confrontation because of all the other dependent relationships that could possibly be harmed by you opening your mouth… so this is what I say ‘once bitten twice shy’ … move away… Create space… be nice, respectful and meet only when necessary… Speak only when necessary.

I have been in a couple of situations where the people that I held excellent relationships with have hurt me… and the sad bit is, we can never go back to how things were.. I have moved passed the hurt… even forgiven them… but the comfort level is totally lost and so is the trust! That being said, this is life… we have to roll with the punches!

Do not let the hurtful actions of others bog your mind. Keep your conscience clean! Do not hold grudges, life is too short for that! You will be happy! I sure am!

Stand by me

Any relationship that is based on love is not (should not) be conditional! You do not necessarily have to approve of your partners actions or opinions; but if it means something to him or her, it is necessary to show support.

When I was talking about being married with my mother… I remember her telling me… ‘No matter what, you must stand by your husband’… I agreed with her then and still do; I am proud to stand beside my husband. What is even better is that my husband stands by me! – Some women think that I am privileged… some of them are not confident that their husbands/ boyfriends will stand by them no matter what.

Any relationship that is based on love is not (should not) be conditional! You do not necessarily have to approve of your partners actions or opinions; but if it means something to him or her, it is necessary to show support.

There are some who support their friends over their significant other… why? Is it an attempt to fit in??! Or is it the confidence that he or she will put up with their nonsense that stops them from caring for a little while! Either which way it is selfish! Then we have those who do not support their spouses with regard to family; i.e., parents and siblings…

We should be each other’s strength, we should balance each other out, we should care enough to listen, whatever our actions, it must be out of love and affection. I am not saying that relationships are rosy… I am saying that we have to work it out not be throwing the other against a wall but by compromise and understanding. Trust the one you love, love the one you trust. You cannot go wrong!

From one mother to another mother: the open secret

You can talk to other moms.. hear their opinions but you are entitled to doing what works for you and your child! You have had a connection with your child even before you knew that he or she existed in you… so go with what you feel… it will come to you naturally if you let it..

Have you ever wondered – how easy raising children looks with some mothers… they seem to have it all under control…  They seem to do nothing wrong.. They have answers to all your questions…I think every mom has this one peer mother that they admire… I sure have!

However the truth is that all mothers are fighting the same battles as you! Being one of the first to have a baby amongst my peers…I get asked.. ‘how I do it?’.. I would tell them, it comes naturally… and it does… Also there is no fixed way to doing things as a mom.. Every child is different!

We all have moments of weakness; we all have breakdowns, self-doubt…. But I think that the God given strength of a woman and the innate want to be a mom… the motherly instinct, overpowers all the negative thoughts and feelings… The more you focus on the added joy that your little one brings into your life, you start to think and feel positively! It is easier said than done…and yes  it comes with practice- it comes with taking control of yourself and consciously making a change!

I have learned that being a mom never gets easier as the child/ children grow. Yes.. you are done with sleepless nights and uncontrollable crying.. but each stage of growth comes with a new set of goodies and troubles.. the key is to take in your stride… go with your gut!! You can talk to other moms.. hear their opinions but you are entitled to doing what works for you and your child! You have had a connection with your child even before you knew that he or she existed in you… so go with what you feel… it will come to you naturally if you let it..

You are a good mom! Believe in yourself! You will always do what is right for your child and for you! You will have other women saying that what you are doing is wrong and you should and should not be doing this and that… Ignore them!! And believe me most of them do it behind your back…. Do not let all of it bother you… they do not know you as well as they think… they do not know your child as well as they think!  You are the mom!!

You are beautiful! You are fun! Your love is unconditional… So here is to you for being the Best mom to your child!

The evolution of being complete

Your body is what you come into this world with… your mind is what you make of it, but your Soul… its pure.. its heavenly!! If you are at peace with your body and mind.. the Soul is flourishes with love!

‘You complete me!’ … Have you had someone say that to you? or..Have you ever said that to somebody? Yes? I guess we have all played some part to that statement. I remember wanting to feel that way about someone..wanting someone to ‘complete’ me. ‘ Now in reflection… aren’t we already complete? We are perfect in the sight of God… we all have our quirks and nobody is perfect! … That is how we are intended to be! We are complete! We can only feel complete if we are at peace with ourselves! However broken that we may be… own it! Accept it!

Everyday I wake up and take some time for me.. alone time.. I just enjoy the sounds and sights of a waking morning… it makes me

feel at peace… if i am not at peace.. I find peace.. and when I have peace.. I feel complete..

We fall in love… which me may be many times… its part of our DNA to want to love and feel love.. But until we find that person, as we say ‘completes’ us…Now that!! That is ‘nourishment’ for our Mind, Body and Soul! Yes!! He or she is Our Soulmate!! Your body is what you come into this world with… your mind is what you make of it, but your Soul… its pure.. its heavenly!! If you are at peace with your body and mind.. the Soul  flourishes with love!

And now if you are wondering about me.. Well…I found my Soulmate.. 10 years ago.. We live our lives accepting the things that we cannot change, giving each other the courage to change things that we can

Who Are We?!!

We are someone’s child, someone’s sibling, someone’s friend, someone’s spouse, someone’s colleague.. boss..yea.. and as we get older we have our masks, our responsibilities, and the list goes on! But who are we??Seriously!! We are HUMAN BEINGS!! And the answer is right there…

After a lot of mind toggling on what should be my first entry, I finally decided that I have to start from the beginning… We are born into this world naked and so innocent… then as we grow we are told right and wrong.. beliefs.. etc.. you get what i mean! We are someone’s child, someone’s sibling, someone’s friend, someone’s spouse, someone’s colleague.. boss..yea.. and as we get older we have our masks, our responsibilities, and the list goes on! But who are we??Seriously!! We are HUMAN BEINGS!! And the answer is right there… BEING! Just be.. take time to sip on your coffee, listen to the sounds of the morning, listen to the sound of your beating heart, in hale .. ex hale.. feel the warmth of the person you love.. watch your baby sleep, play with your children, hug your parents, Pray..Meditate..pick up a hobby.. Do what u love.. take it all in. We get so caught up in DOING that we forget to BE! Rejuvenate You! Revive You! Be an Urban Spring! Try it.. its catchy!